To spank or not to spank.

Today has been a rough day, to say the least.  Each day this week, Preslie has decided to be testy and do something naughty to get in trouble, which just isn't like her.  She has always been such an obedient, and good little girl.  I've always kind of imagined that it would happen sooner or later, but have been lucky thus far and blessed with a little angel.  The problem with this though, is that she has never really been in trouble, so I've never really had to punish her for anything. 

Earlier this week on Tuesday, I got off work and then went to pick her up from my Mom's house.  I told her that I wanted to take her to do something fun before it was bedtime, but we had to go to the store first.  When I pulled up at Costco, she got mad and said, "I don't want to go to the store!"  I told her we just had to pick one thing up really quick, and then would go do something fun afterwards.  She instantly went into a pout and told me that she wasn't going to go inside.  After I got out of the car, I walked over and opened her door, but she was still refusing to get out of the car.  Now let me mention right now, that if there is anything I REALLY don't like in this world, it is when a child talks back to their parents.  I stood there and told her she needed to get out of the car right now, to which she still sat defiantly and said NO, so I started to count to 3, which I also hate doing, and never really have to do with her.  When I got to 2, she said with a nice little sassy voice, "What are you gonna do?"

My eyes almost popped out of my head and I nearly slapped her little mouth.  No joke.  By the look of my face she knew that she went to far, and then instantly started to unbuckle herself and get out, but it was too late, I was nearly yelling at that point and telling her how I was going to spank her little butt if she ever talked back to me like that again.  Let me also interject here, and explain that I am not a pro-spanking parent.  I personally was never really spanked as a child, and don't think it should be necessary. 

Up until today, I have never spanked her.

When I got off work, I headed over to my Mom's as usual to pick up Preslie.  When I arrived, I walked into a situation where apparently Preslie had asked her Grandma to get her a roll with some butter, and then after she got it, decided that it tasted funny and wasn't going to eat it.  This may sound a bit silly, but apparently it wasn't the first time today that she had asked for something specific to eat, and then didn't want to eat it afterwards, so my Mom was a little mad at this point.  Grandma decided that to make a point, Preslie wasn't allowed to leave the table until she had finished eating this roll.  Meanwhile, I had had an especially long day at work today, and was anxious to get home.  I sat down at the table, and it took Preslie 1/2 an hour to finish eating this little roll, I kid you not.  Worst of all, she was totally being sassy about it and throwing a fit about it the entire time, which was just really making me more mad, as I was embarrassed to see her act that way, especially towards her Grandma.  Finally, she finished eating it, and then stormed off down the hall, still full of attitude. 

I got up from the table and went to find her so I could sit her down and have a talk with her about it, but then I couldn't find her.  I looked EVERYWHERE in the house, and still couldn't find her.  Finally, myself, my Mom, and my Grandpa were all running around the house calling for her and still couldn't find her, so I looked outside.  First the backyard, then the Front yard.  My Mom was outside asking the neighbor if he had seen her come outside, and when I still couldn't find her, I panicked and started walking up the street to see if she had ran off. 

Finally, my Grandpa found her hiding behind one of the couches, and signalled for me to come back.  By then, I was seeing red, and was SO angry, that I knew I was going to spank her.  When I went inside, I found her still hiding behind the couch, so I yelled at her to come out, and then picked her up and carried her downstairs.  By then she was already crying, because I'm sure she knew that she was in serious trouble and was scared.  When I got downstairs, I put her down and gave her a really quick spank on the butt, but it was certainly not a soft spank.  By then she was in full blown tears and sniffles, and just stood there crying and looking at me in disbelief. I was a little surprised myself.  At that point, I took her and put her in the car, and then drove home.  Upon arriving, I told her that she was going straight to bed.  I walked her inside and then made her put on her pajamas, and then brush her teeth, and then had her get into her bed. 



I really hope that she has learned her lesson, and that I don't have to spank her again.  I hated the way it made me feel, and I hated seeing her that sad.  Ugh.  Worst parenting day ever.  :(

It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a motorcycle.  Not just any motorcycle of course, but a Harley Davidson.  I will go out on a limb and say that my obsessions came about with the movie Terminator II.  Anyone who has seen the movie, knows exactly what I'm talking about.  I believe the bike that Arnold rides in that movie was a Softail Fatboy.  It was glorious. 

To make it worse, my Dad has always talked about them.  To be more specific, he has always wanted one as well.  When my parents divorced, I was about 12 years old, and I moved with my Mom, younger Brother, and younger Sister to Utah.  We had just come from Southern California, and it was a rough move for me to say the least.  I left everything that I knew behind me.  Around this time, my Dad had started sending me post cards with a letter / message on the back.  These post cards, of course, were Harley Davidson post cards.  Each one I received was a different year or model of a Harley.  This sealed my infatuation and love for these bikes. 

Over the next decade or so of my teenage years, I grew to love the "Bobber" style motorcycles.  There was a number of different times in my life that I put serious thought into buying a bike, but the timing was never right.  I almost even bought one while I was married and living in Idaho.  It wasn't a Harley, but I still thought it was a hot bike.  But yet again, the timing wasn't right.  It didn't happen. 

Like my Dad, I always tended to have a nagging sense of what was practical and what wasn't.  Being married, I always felt like buying a motorcycle just wasn't practical.  It always seemed that I had more important things that I needed to do with my money, and so, it never happened. 

Things have changed.  I'm not married anymore.  I'm single, I have a great job and am making decent money, and now I have a lot more free time on my hands.  Over the past couple of years, a lot has changed in my life, and I've had to sort of reinvent myself.  I've had to do a lot of soul searching, and in a sense, feel like I've started over in life.  At times, this has been pretty disappointing.  I've felt like I sacrificed everything for my family previously, and now, I don't really have anything to show for it.  I have my Daughter, of course, but I don't have anything else to show for all my hard work.  I want to do something for myself finally, and make that dream a reality. 

Why shouldn't I have a bike?  I can't think of any reason why at this point.  I've heard the arguments about how safe motorcycles are, or aren't for that matter.  I'm not looking for danger necessarily, but I am OK with it.  Come what may.  I figure that if it's my time to go, then it's my time to go.  There are plenty of other "unsafe" things we expose ourselves to in life.  I am not going to let that kind of fear stop me.

The next issue has been, not finding the right bike.  I recently fell in love with a particular Harley, and have lusted after it ever since.  This bike is the Iron 883, Harley Davidson Sportster.  Matte Black.  It's the new hotness.  I went down to the Timpanogos Harley Davidson store recently to take a better look, and still loved it.  The only real issue was that at 6 ft. tall, and weighing in around 210 lbs, I am a little too big for that model.  The bike is just a little too small for me.  It's still pretty powerful, but it is just physically too small for me.  It really bummed me out too, because I absolutely loved the look of the bike.

Recently, I started looking at different bikes again, and finally found one that I think fits me better, and I still really love.  It's still a Sportster, but not the Iron 883 model.  This one is called the Nightster.  It's basically the same body as the Iron 883, but on a 1200 engine.  There are of course other differences, but all in all, I really love it.  It will be mine.  Oh yes, it will be mine.  Again, it is all about timing.  I would love to get it this year, but it's just not in the cards.  I've got a few other things to take care of and resolve first.  But next year will be my year.  This is of course barring any unforeseen travesties that will require better application of my budget.  I am crossing my fingers that things finally pan out this year, and that I am able to pull it off and finally get my bike. 

These are of course just a few examples of course of some different custom options for the Nightster.  I seriously LOVE this bike though.  Next year will be my year.  :)



Spiders.....

I am not afraid of spiders.  I can't say that I really care for them at all though either.  I say, as long as they stay out of my things and away from me, the two of us can get along just fine.  Just a few weeks ago, I had a fairly unpleasant experience with a particularly ambitious spider.

So a few weeks back, I woke up around the same usual time, and went to do the same thing I usually do when I first roll out of bed.  Piss.  Now, I'm sure that any guy can appreciate this next Q&A.

One of two things happens every time I wake up and head into the bathroom.  I realize that only #1 is sending alerts, and then proceed to lift toilet seat and stand there while I release the Kraken.

The other possibility is that you realize #1 and #2 are staking claims, and then take a seat to relieve both at the same time. 

Now, as fate would have it on this cold and semi-dark morning, only #1 was required, so I lifted the seat, and then proceeded to engage.  Not a second after I had a full stream going, I noticed with sleepy crusty eyes a spider the size of a quarter drop down directly in front of my face.  It bungee'd right on down and landed right on the top underside of the upturned toilet seat.  If I had sat down for that particular mornings ritual, that bloody spider would have been right on my head, and possibly even my lap. 

My suspicion is that this spider had waited all night long for my return, and it was fate that kept us apart on that fine morning. 

James 1......Spiders 0.

It was a close call, but I have to admit that now, I find myself looking up at the ceiling every time I am about to take care of business in the bathroom.

Just a few things to laugh at...

My nerdy coworkers have ruined me.  Never before would I have ever laughed at the majority of these.  But now, they provide endless laughter and amusement.  Today, I really needed a good laugh, and stumbled on to some of these and had to share. 

Outlook.......dismal.

So I read through this book about Low Back Pain published by the Harvard Medical School over the weekend.  It goes into detail about herniated discs, how they happen, what they are exactly, and possible things you can do to treat them and or prevent them.

I'm a little bit past the preventing part, so we'll move along to the treatment part.

It goes into detail about the different surgical options you have, depending on the type and severity of your herniated disc and location.  My Dr. had mentioned that they would probably need to remove the entire affected disc and then fuse those 2 vertebrae together.  I thought it would be good to find out a little more about that.  There is definitely a lot of risk involved with the procedure, and it says to expect to lose approximately 20-30% of your range of spinal motion.  Outlook = Bad.  It also goes on to say that depending on which method is used for the spinal fusion process, that it can take about 6 months for the fusion to become complete.  Typically you're looking at 4-9 months of total recovery time. 

FML

Reading this has definitely ruined any kind of positive attitude I had remaining at this point.  I have no idea how things are going to turn out now long term based on this new information.

What I do know is that the pain has steadily increased and come back full force within a few days of my last epidural shot that I had about a week and a half ago.  I'm supposed to go back for a followup visit with that Dr this Friday, where he will determine if they will do another epidural shot or schedule a surgery consultation and move towards that route.  It's definitely looking like the surgery is going to happen, as I don't feel like any progress is being made thus far. 

It feels about as awesome as this picture looks.  Besides the whole muscle pain in my lower back, I also have this awesome nerve pain starting in my left butt cheek and extending all the way down nearly into my foot on the left side.  Pain is also starting to move into the right side as well.  It's really awesome.  It's not the kind of pain that dulls out either, it stays constant and is distracting to say the least.  So far I have refused any heavy pain killers, and just kept with the muscle relaxer 3 times a day, and Ibuprofen. 

To say that this is stressing me out right now is an understatement.  I am totally freaked out about all of this and my stress levels are peaked.  I just wish that Friday would hurry and come and that perhaps some miracle will present itself and the Dr. will decide that I don't need the surgery after all.  Crossing my fingers. 

Pain is relative.

Ever notice how you can have so many different types of experiences of pain, and that the most recent one that you have experienced seems to be the most painful one you've had to date?  I wonder if we were to experience those events one after another in a sequence of misery, so to speak, which one would win out?  This is of course assuming that you were able to remove the inhibitor known as shock on your system which essentially will dull out the sensations of pain.  This is merely a receptor in the brain processing information and translating it into a feeling or emotion. 

What is the most painful experience you have had thus far in your life?  Let's stick with physical pain for this little exercise as well.  We do not want to confuse emotional pain this time, and will strictly deal with the physical side.

Two specific instances come to mind for me.  The first experience was having a 60 gallon vertical air compressor dropped onto my left hand.  While lifting this air compressor off of the bolt that was keeping it's feet secure to 2 stacked pallets, the air compressor slipped and landed directly on the palm of my hand, thus sending one of the 3 feet nearly all the way through the palm of my hand.  Literally.  We're talking about a blunt object crushing and then impaling your hand, and nearly coming out the opposite side.  It put a nice big hole nearly all the way through my hand.  What I learned that day is that your hand is full of a LOT of little nerve endings, and that you can't really numb that pain out.  That pain brought me to my knees.  I couldn't do anything except sit there and bleed and take it. 

The next experience would be a toss up between my first kidney stone, and the one I had this last year which required a surgical procedure to remove it.  The first one was probably worse, because that also included me not being able to pee a single drop for nearly 5 days.  My bladder was literally tearing at the seams because it was so full and backed up.  That was a pretty terrible feeling.  The day that I went to the hospital, I was throwing up blood, and could barely move without having this excrutiating pain tearing my insides apart.  I remember wanting to die.  Sure, that sounds dramatic, but at the time, I wanted it.  If I had had a gun, I would have done it.  Hands down.  No contest. 

I've experienced a lot of different pains in my life at this point, and find that with each new pain, I am comparing the experience to a previous marker of pain.  I have found that each time we are in pain, and feel like we can't possibly take any more, that somehow we still make it through.  Somehow we are just setting the bar a little higher for what we can tolerate for the next experience that will inevitably set new limits. 

What is the single most painful experience you have endured thus far?

Apparently sometimes I need to be reminded...

So this last Wednesday, I was having a conversation with a couple of friends on Facebook about this Vitamin-B supplement that I had bought.  I bought a B-Complex Supplement thinking that it would help with having more energy throughout the day.  Apparently, it is more for regulating stress.  When I took this, I was extremely tired and almost couldn't stay awake at my desk at work.  No bueno.  When a friend pointed out that it helps to reduce stress and how your body reacts to stress, I laughed and said, "Well I don't really have any stress in my life currently, so maybe that's why I'm falling asleep..."  I had been feeling fantastic lately.  I went to the gym on Monday and Tuesday, and had a couple of my best workouts yet.  I felt great!  I decided that maybe I should just switch to a B12 supplement instead and call it good.

By the time I got home.....(less than an hour later)..I was starting to have some pretty uncomfortable, but familiar pains in my lower gut.  Without too many more details, I passed another kidney stone. 

It's about the most uncomfortable pain that you can imagine.  I've heard it compared to childbirth, but seeing as how I've never shot a child out of my junk, this is as good as it gets.

Thursday came around, and I was still urinating an awful lot of blood.  (Again, I won't go any further into the disgusting details...).  I still felt terrible, and that something just wasn't right.  So, I eventually caved and went to the ER, since my normal Dr. was out of town.  I told the ER peeps that I was having a "Man Period" and had a lot of pain, and was feeling unusually exhausted.  They decided that I needed an IV, and apparently decided that a Student Nurse from BYU should give it to me.

Now let me just clarify, needles and shots and all that stuff doesn't bother me.  At least when I know the person giving it to me is a professional.  I still was calm, but just chose not to look in the general direction while she did it.  Next is a play by play of what happened next:

   1.  "1..2..3..POKE.." followed by a sharp poke on inside of my right arm.
   2. "Ooh.....it's a good one..." from student nurse.
   3. Warm sensation on my arm and side....
   4. "He's a bleeder..."from student nurse.
   5.  I make mistake of looking to see what warm sensation is...to notice my arm and side covered in    blood.
   6. Student nurse attempts to grab my bicep to cut off blood supply and stop bleeding, but uses same hand that is holding the IV, which then pops out along with a nice squirt of blood that belongs to me.
   7. Other nurse helps her bandage up my arm, and then does the IV in my other arm herself.  No issue. 
   8.  I feel even MORE queasy than when I first went in, and then am given a nice big dose of Morphine to shut me up I am sure.

Good times.

Ultimately, the Dr. at the ER concluded that I have a pretty severe Bladder and Kidney Infection.  Never had those before.  I just think that it's crazy that you apparently can have any kind of infection that bad and not have any prior clue or symptoms that are noticeable.  Now I can't work out for a good week or so, until I'm all better and done with the anti-biotics they gave me. 

I also have not had ANY soda since Wednesday of last week.  This is terrible.  I hear that I should only be drinking water and juice, but mostly water.  Lots of water.  I would love to wash it down with a nice JD, but imagine that would be even worse than the Dr. Pepper I'm craving as well.  Blast. 

And so, apparently sometimes I need to be reminded......

Reminded that it is totally awesome when I am not pissing blood, or passing kidney stones, or delirious from an infection I was completely unaware of having.  It's nice to be healthy.  It's also nice to be able to pee when you want to, and without writhing in pain and moaning like a wildebeest from inside the bathroom stall at work.  That's just awkward.  Especially if you have to make eye-contact with a coworker when you leave the stall when you're done. 

I almost found myself arguing out loud with my own plumbing.  "Seriously!?"  "You can do better than that..."  "See if I ever do anything nice for you again..."  Again, even more awkward when a coworker overhears this conversation while in the next stall.