Eating chocolate.

The past couple of days have been pretty surreal. I became a Grandpa. Holy shit. I definitely don't think of myself as a Grandpa, nor do I feel like a Grandpa. For hells sake, I am not old enough to be in this role. It is not a title that I gave to myself either. It was given to me, by my Daughter, Kalie. I suppose that technically, she is my Step-Daughter, but I have never really been a fan of the "step" term, and it was always important to me go not hyphenate our relationship. I didn't want to treat any of my kids any different. They were all my kids, the moment I married their Mother and took on that responsibility. You just don't divorce kids, and I will always love all of them. I became a Father to three beautiful girls overnight when I was 23. I never would have imagined that 8 years later I would be taking on the role of Grandpa as well.

 Since my divorce, I was pretty much forcibly removed from my kids lives. It was made clear that I legally only had rights to retain a relationship with Preslie, and I had to fight for that. It tore my heart out. I know that Mandie loves her kids, but I just could not understand how she could sever that relationship between me and Kalie, Burklie, and Rylie. Just like that. It was like I never existed, and the past almost 7 years had never happened. Mandie actually told me about Kalie being pregnant first, just a week after Kalie told her. It was nearly a whole month before Kalie and I finally talked about it, and she broke the news to me by saying, "Are you excited to be a Grandpa?" I felt that it was Kalie's decision to call me what she liked, and give me whatever "title" she felt comfortable with. That has always been my feelings on the topic, ever since I first got married. I did not want the kids to be forced to call me "Dad" or anything else for that matter unless they wanted to, and were comfortable doing so. It should be their decision.

Throughout Kalie's entire pregnancy, she has reminded me that I am going to be a "Grandpa". I pretty much just went along with it, as Kalie will always be my girl in my eyes, so I suppose it just seemed fitting. Kalie was texting me the whole week leading up to her delivery to tell me about the baby and keep me updated, and then invited me to come to the Hospital after Paisley was born. Mandie was there, her Grandma was there, her boyfriend Justin was there, and his Mother was there as well. I was the first person she told and invited to come visit, and she told me that, "I should feel special, because she didn't invite anyone else."

When I showed up, it was made MORE than clear how not happy Mandie was to see me there. I was called a number of very unpleasant things, and reminded that I was NOT family, and had no right or business to be there. I kept my mouth shut, and took it. I was not there to make a scene, or fight, or even for her. I was there for Kalie, by request, and it was her special day. I was overwhelmed with excitement and love for her and this sweet little miracle that was now a part of our lives. Eventually, Mandie chilled out a little bit, and became fairly cordial. We talked a little bit, and tried to just enjoy the moment. We both took pictures with baby Paisley, and I assumed that was the end of that. This morning, I went to see Kalie and Paisley again. I felt bad that my presence contributed in any way to her special day being anything less than perfect. Kalie is such a sweetheart though. She reminded me several times that she loves me, and it reminded me what was really important. Later this evening, I went to the gym after work, and got a call from Mandie, only it was Preslie. I could hear Mandie in the background telling Preslie what to say, and then Preslie says, "Can I go to Lake Powell with my parents this weekend?" Her parents? When did I suddenly stop being a part of that equation? What really upset me about that, is that this was an issue that Mandie and I have discussed in depth. Not to mention that this is my weekend with Preslie, and Mandie had already asked me last week if I would just let Preslie go with her, and I said no. I am just not willing to give up my time with her. Especially with no notice, when other arrangements can be made so that I don't lose my time with Preslie. I want to be in her life. Mandie is just hell bent on trying to phase me out of Preslie's life. She started telling Preslie to call this new guy "Dad" while they were just dating. I had a huge problem with that. Now they are married, and she seems to think that my role as Preslie's father is irrelevant. This new guy is her "New Dad", and I'm just her "other Dad". Now her and this other guy Mark are her "Parents"? HELL NO. How is that possibly supposed to not bother me? Am I being too sensitive about it?

I have really made a lot of effort to improve the dynamic and communication between Mandie and I. If for no other reason, than for Preslie's sake. Secondly, I want to be happy and have some sanity. Anyways, I just needed to vent. Even if it's just writing here on my blog.  I don't really care if anyone reads this or not, as it helps me to vent my thoughts and feelings one way or another.

Now I'm just irritated for the time being, and am eating chocolate ice cream.  Ha.