Recently, I've been reminded again about the importance of appreciating what I have. I have been given a lot, and therefor have a lot of reason to be grateful. I am finding a lot of reasons to be happy, and it's important to recognize that. So many of us get caught up in a struggle with the big picture, and our long term goals and wants, that we forget the everyday things we have. It's easy to get stuck in a rut, and forget about the good and positive things in our lives. I really do think there is something to be said about recognizing what we do have, as opposed to just what we don't have.
I am healthy, and currently on the road to getting into the best physical shape of my life. I feel great, and that is huge. I have a beautiful, smart, and healthy Daughter, who I believe could not be any closer to perfection. I could not ask for a better child than Preslie. She makes me smile every single day. I have a great job, and genuinely feel appreciated. I have enough money to take care of my needs, my Daughters needs, and also enjoy life and have a good time when I want. In addition, my family is healthy and I have a good relationship with them as well. They may not all be as close as I would like, but I am still able to communicate with them often. My parents especially, are very loving, despite my shortcomings and abilities to live up to their expectations. I have a car that I love, for the first time. I also have a decent Townhouse, that keeps me comfortable all year round. I also have full health insurance, which is a big deal. You don't realize what a convenience that is, until you need it and you don't have it. I live in a nice area. There are mountains, rivers, and beauty all around me. Lots of room to go camping, kayaking, hiking, and just about anything else I want. I also have some of the best friends I could ever ask for. Not just one, or two, or three either. I have so many friends that I truly consider family, and have always been there for me. I also live in a free country, where all of these things are possible. These are just a few of the bigger picture things, which are easy to be grateful for.
Some of the daily things that I am grateful for include apple juice, Doritos, Nachos, and other yummy food I like to eat. I also am grateful for a nice cold adult beverage when I desire it. Sometimes, it's just a nice summer drive with the windows down at night. I am definitely grateful for my 60" TV with surround sound, and my awesome giant and comfy down filled couch. Sometimes, I am grateful for not being retarded or totally fugly. Well, not completely that is. I'm also grateful to have a cool boss who doesn't try to make me work a million hours a week. Even though I am on salary, my boss has never asked me to work more than 40 hours a week. How awesome is that? Pretty awesome for sure. Sometimes, I am grateful to have a gym membership, with so many different facilities to go to when I want. I am also very grateful for music. Whether it is listening to songs in my car, on my computer at work, on my iPhone while I workout, or just at home, I am almost always listening. There are quite a few things I am grateful for every day, but those a few that come to mind.
If you aren't doing this already, I would highly recommend it. Taking a little bit of time out of your day to recognize what you are grateful for will improve your attitude, and ultimately, the overall quality of your life as well. You only life your life once, so enjoy while you still can. You never know when things will change and you may lose those opportunities. What you have today, may be gone tomorrow.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
A day of fun.
Today was a day of fun. I woke up feeling refreshed, having got a better nights sleep than the night before. Made breakfast for Preslie and I, and then got ourselves showered and ready to head out. First off, we had to go return our crappy rental car to Enterprise, and pick up my car again. Larry H Miller Collision was so generous when they booked my rental, I was lucky enough to get a Toyota Yaris. This car was smaller than the car I drove around in Ireland, and that's saying something. Not amused.
Preslie, as usual, has been cracking me up all day long. When we first arrived at Enterprise to return the Yaris, there was a few people there, so we went to sit down while we waited to catch a ride over to get my car. I sat down in the chair, and then Preslie climbed up on my lap. As she scooted over on my leg, the chair let out this funny squeek sound. Preslie looked up at me with this embarrassed and annoyed face, and said, "Dad. Are you serious?" Apparently she thought the sound came from my butt, and was not amused. ha ha ha
Next, we headed over to Seven Peaks, and played our guts out for almost 6 hours. It was tons of fun. Expensive, but fun. One particularly annoying thing that happened though, was I had bought lunch for us, including 2 sodas for Preslie and I. After eating, we left the nearly full drinks by our towels and stuff, then went to ride a slide really quick. We came back about 20 minutes later, and I discovered my drink was lidless, and empty. It was upright, and had not spilled either. Someone had taken the lid off my soda and drank all of my Dr. Pepper! What a jerk.
When we left, I had a call from Preslie's Mom, saying she was school shopping for all the girls, and wanted me to meet them at the mall to give her money. When we met up, she told me that her Mom was having a little family get together, and I should come and bring Preslie. Hmm. Well, let's just say that was the proposed alternative to what was suggested. I ended up heading over there with Preslie, and for the first time in a while, was able to see all of the girls. It was really nice. I also got to see some of the ex-in-laws I haven't seen for awhile, who were surprisingly polite for the most part. We ate dinner there, and then left around 8pm so we could make it to Provo to see Joel Pack & the Pops play a show at Velour. It was nice to see Joel, Ryan, and Rob again.
All in all, it has been an eventful day, and lots of fun was had. Preslie is asleep, and now I think I shall do the same.
Preslie, as usual, has been cracking me up all day long. When we first arrived at Enterprise to return the Yaris, there was a few people there, so we went to sit down while we waited to catch a ride over to get my car. I sat down in the chair, and then Preslie climbed up on my lap. As she scooted over on my leg, the chair let out this funny squeek sound. Preslie looked up at me with this embarrassed and annoyed face, and said, "Dad. Are you serious?" Apparently she thought the sound came from my butt, and was not amused. ha ha ha
Next, we headed over to Seven Peaks, and played our guts out for almost 6 hours. It was tons of fun. Expensive, but fun. One particularly annoying thing that happened though, was I had bought lunch for us, including 2 sodas for Preslie and I. After eating, we left the nearly full drinks by our towels and stuff, then went to ride a slide really quick. We came back about 20 minutes later, and I discovered my drink was lidless, and empty. It was upright, and had not spilled either. Someone had taken the lid off my soda and drank all of my Dr. Pepper! What a jerk.
When we left, I had a call from Preslie's Mom, saying she was school shopping for all the girls, and wanted me to meet them at the mall to give her money. When we met up, she told me that her Mom was having a little family get together, and I should come and bring Preslie. Hmm. Well, let's just say that was the proposed alternative to what was suggested. I ended up heading over there with Preslie, and for the first time in a while, was able to see all of the girls. It was really nice. I also got to see some of the ex-in-laws I haven't seen for awhile, who were surprisingly polite for the most part. We ate dinner there, and then left around 8pm so we could make it to Provo to see Joel Pack & the Pops play a show at Velour. It was nice to see Joel, Ryan, and Rob again.
All in all, it has been an eventful day, and lots of fun was had. Preslie is asleep, and now I think I shall do the same.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Balance
Today I went to work. After work, I went to the gym for a total of 2 1/2 hours. I didn't end up leaving the gym until just after 8:30pm. Kind of a long time to be at the gym, right? I kind of thought so, but still, that's what I did. I woke up around 7am this morning, got ready for work, and left my house at about 8:45am. I didn't get home until just after 10pm.
If I was married and had a family still, this would simply not be possible. There is no way I would be able to go to the gym for 2 1/2 hours right after work, and not come home until that late. I wouldn't want to, either! I would much rather be home and with my family. That doesn't mean that I would never go to the gym again though. It is very important for me to exercise, and feel healthy. I want to feel healthy and look good too. Not just for me, but for my spouse/girlfriend as well. So that is the question. How does one find balance with all these things? Work, family, gym/exercise, just to name a few.
I thought about this today, because I don't plan on being single forever. I want to find my soul mate, and have a family together. I also want to stay fit and healthy. Ha.....or at least as healthy as I can be, that is. One thing that I do not want to do though, is neglect my family because I'm too busy spending time in the gym, when I could be spending time with them. In the end, what is really more important?
The first thought that came to me, was go to the gym in the morning, before work. I suppose that is feasible. Then I'd have the rest of the day after work to spend with my family. Assuming of course, that I am not too tired by then to have the energy to stay on my toes and have fun with my kids, and still be helpful to my Wife and attentive to her needs as well. Having been married before, I know that this is often times easier said than done. I don't want to fall into habits and routines that I can't realistically support down the road. Currently, my logic has been that I should bust my butt so that I can really get into shape, and then it shouldn't be too hard to maintain once I get there. Obviously, this gets increasingly harder as you get older. Currently, I'm trying to burn a little bit of fat, and tighten things up. Mostly my core. One nice thing about muscle that I have discovered, is muscle memory. It seems that initially, you have to shock your muscles, then really tear them down, and build them back up. Even if you don't keep up the same intensity, you can usually maintain where you're at. Even when you have to take some time off from working out. It usually doesn't take too long to get back to where you were before.
I am getting older too. Sometimes, I feel a lot older than I am, but this is mostly because of experiences I've already been through. How many 31 year old guys have a Daughter and a Grandchild? Step Daughter or not, being called "Grandpa" will age you. That being said, I do not want my best years to be behind me. I want to be prepared for whatever may come. I want to maintain good health, and keep the attraction and passion alive in my relationship. I also want to have a good balance in life, but keep my family as my priority. More importantly, I want my family to always know that they were my priority.
What I want in life is the same thing most men want in life. I want to be successful and happy. I want to be successful and happy in my marriage. Successful and happy with my family, leading to successful and happy children. Successful and happy with my career. Probably in that order too.
I feel like I'm on the right track, but I am still missing a few key ingredients. I haven't found the right person yet. To be honest, sometimes I wonder if I ever will. Living in Happy Valley, Utah, doesn't always help with this, either. Nearly everyone I know is already married, and progressing forward with their lives. Those that aren't, seem to all be in a constant competition for the next best thing. Constantly chasing, and being chased. Putting on a show. Calculating your every move. Maybe this is what the game is now? All I know, is that I couldn't be less interested. All of it just seems so fake. The majority of the girls that I have met that are my age are jaded, or otherwise full of baggage. Perhaps they see me the same way?
As perceptive as I'd like to pretend to be, I am not very good at reading signals. Especially in the beginning stages of dating. It can be pretty tough to know whether or not a girl is interested in you or not. I'm more of the school of "When it's real, you know", but am starting to feel like I'm losing touch. It would be kinda nice if a girl would just flat out tell me that she is interested in so many words. Be direct. Be honest. Love and dating should not be a chess game. It should come naturally. If it doesn't, then I think you are probably wasting your time.
If I was married and had a family still, this would simply not be possible. There is no way I would be able to go to the gym for 2 1/2 hours right after work, and not come home until that late. I wouldn't want to, either! I would much rather be home and with my family. That doesn't mean that I would never go to the gym again though. It is very important for me to exercise, and feel healthy. I want to feel healthy and look good too. Not just for me, but for my spouse/girlfriend as well. So that is the question. How does one find balance with all these things? Work, family, gym/exercise, just to name a few.
The first thought that came to me, was go to the gym in the morning, before work. I suppose that is feasible. Then I'd have the rest of the day after work to spend with my family. Assuming of course, that I am not too tired by then to have the energy to stay on my toes and have fun with my kids, and still be helpful to my Wife and attentive to her needs as well. Having been married before, I know that this is often times easier said than done. I don't want to fall into habits and routines that I can't realistically support down the road. Currently, my logic has been that I should bust my butt so that I can really get into shape, and then it shouldn't be too hard to maintain once I get there. Obviously, this gets increasingly harder as you get older. Currently, I'm trying to burn a little bit of fat, and tighten things up. Mostly my core. One nice thing about muscle that I have discovered, is muscle memory. It seems that initially, you have to shock your muscles, then really tear them down, and build them back up. Even if you don't keep up the same intensity, you can usually maintain where you're at. Even when you have to take some time off from working out. It usually doesn't take too long to get back to where you were before.
I am getting older too. Sometimes, I feel a lot older than I am, but this is mostly because of experiences I've already been through. How many 31 year old guys have a Daughter and a Grandchild? Step Daughter or not, being called "Grandpa" will age you. That being said, I do not want my best years to be behind me. I want to be prepared for whatever may come. I want to maintain good health, and keep the attraction and passion alive in my relationship. I also want to have a good balance in life, but keep my family as my priority. More importantly, I want my family to always know that they were my priority.
What I want in life is the same thing most men want in life. I want to be successful and happy. I want to be successful and happy in my marriage. Successful and happy with my family, leading to successful and happy children. Successful and happy with my career. Probably in that order too.
I feel like I'm on the right track, but I am still missing a few key ingredients. I haven't found the right person yet. To be honest, sometimes I wonder if I ever will. Living in Happy Valley, Utah, doesn't always help with this, either. Nearly everyone I know is already married, and progressing forward with their lives. Those that aren't, seem to all be in a constant competition for the next best thing. Constantly chasing, and being chased. Putting on a show. Calculating your every move. Maybe this is what the game is now? All I know, is that I couldn't be less interested. All of it just seems so fake. The majority of the girls that I have met that are my age are jaded, or otherwise full of baggage. Perhaps they see me the same way?
As perceptive as I'd like to pretend to be, I am not very good at reading signals. Especially in the beginning stages of dating. It can be pretty tough to know whether or not a girl is interested in you or not. I'm more of the school of "When it's real, you know", but am starting to feel like I'm losing touch. It would be kinda nice if a girl would just flat out tell me that she is interested in so many words. Be direct. Be honest. Love and dating should not be a chess game. It should come naturally. If it doesn't, then I think you are probably wasting your time.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Daddies are for catching fireflies.
Tonight I head a song that really hit home for me. It hit home in a lot of ways very personal to me. It was pretty crazy. If I was to write a song for Preslie at this moment in time, it would have been this song. It could not have been more true than if I had written it myself. The song was "Firefly" by Ed Sheeran.
I miss my Daughter Preslie every minute when she is away. She is my light in the darkness. She is my love when I have felt like I have nothing else to give. She is easily the best thing I have ever done in this life. She makes me desire to be a better man and my reason to get out of bed.
There are times when missing her really gets to me too. Some of the worst times are when I only have her for just one night. It's never enough! The worst part of those nights, is knowing that I have to take her back to her Mom the next morning, and then I won't see her again for another week. Kids need their parents. Parents need their children too.
When Preslie is away, I have trouble sleeping. I'm restless. I get anxiety and can't relax. I miss her snuggles. I miss her tiny kisses. I miss reading her a story at bedtime. I miss everything.
When I do have Preslie, I try to keep certain routines, so that she has some normalcy. Kids need that. Kids need consistency, routine, and love. One part of our routine is our bedtime story. I let her pick a book, but she usually ends up picking two. More often than not, she tends to pick the same couple of books. One of those books, which has become a personal favorite of mine is a book called:
Daddies Are For Catching Fireflies.
If you take the time to read the book, you can easily understand why anyone would love this book for their kids. There are a number of reasons why this book is special to Preslie and I. For starters, Preslie has this book memorized. No joke. She loves to "read" this book to me. Preslie also loves butterflies, fireflies, and any other kind of bug or animal that she can catch. She has a special bug net and even an adventure vest she has to bring whenever we go camping. Whenever she decides to read this book to me, she snuggles up extra close, and always gives me kisses when she's done. Most recently, she discovered the light on my iPhone. We'll read this book, then turn off the light in the room, and then do hand puppets with the light from my iPhone on the ceiling to make fireflies and other "muppets". These are some of my happiest moments.
Sometimes, it is really hard for me to let her go. I just want to hold her and hold her to show her how much I love her. I think that she knows when I'm feeling this way, because she'll hug me extra tight. Then we have a special kiss. She'll tell me, "Dad, let's do the biggest kiss!". Then she'll take a super deep breath and then try to give me a kiss for as long as she can while she holds her breath and goes "MMMMMMmmmmmmwuah!!!". It's one of my favorite things in the whole world. There is no better love than the love of your child.
Tonight was definitely a lonely night. I must have listened to this song at least 10 times in a row. Absolutely beautiful.
I miss my Daughter Preslie every minute when she is away. She is my light in the darkness. She is my love when I have felt like I have nothing else to give. She is easily the best thing I have ever done in this life. She makes me desire to be a better man and my reason to get out of bed.
There are times when missing her really gets to me too. Some of the worst times are when I only have her for just one night. It's never enough! The worst part of those nights, is knowing that I have to take her back to her Mom the next morning, and then I won't see her again for another week. Kids need their parents. Parents need their children too.
When Preslie is away, I have trouble sleeping. I'm restless. I get anxiety and can't relax. I miss her snuggles. I miss her tiny kisses. I miss reading her a story at bedtime. I miss everything.
When I do have Preslie, I try to keep certain routines, so that she has some normalcy. Kids need that. Kids need consistency, routine, and love. One part of our routine is our bedtime story. I let her pick a book, but she usually ends up picking two. More often than not, she tends to pick the same couple of books. One of those books, which has become a personal favorite of mine is a book called:
Daddies Are For Catching Fireflies.
If you take the time to read the book, you can easily understand why anyone would love this book for their kids. There are a number of reasons why this book is special to Preslie and I. For starters, Preslie has this book memorized. No joke. She loves to "read" this book to me. Preslie also loves butterflies, fireflies, and any other kind of bug or animal that she can catch. She has a special bug net and even an adventure vest she has to bring whenever we go camping. Whenever she decides to read this book to me, she snuggles up extra close, and always gives me kisses when she's done. Most recently, she discovered the light on my iPhone. We'll read this book, then turn off the light in the room, and then do hand puppets with the light from my iPhone on the ceiling to make fireflies and other "muppets". These are some of my happiest moments.
Sometimes, it is really hard for me to let her go. I just want to hold her and hold her to show her how much I love her. I think that she knows when I'm feeling this way, because she'll hug me extra tight. Then we have a special kiss. She'll tell me, "Dad, let's do the biggest kiss!". Then she'll take a super deep breath and then try to give me a kiss for as long as she can while she holds her breath and goes "MMMMMMmmmmmmwuah!!!". It's one of my favorite things in the whole world. There is no better love than the love of your child.
Tonight was definitely a lonely night. I must have listened to this song at least 10 times in a row. Absolutely beautiful.
Monday, August 6, 2012
When it hurts.
Pain is relative. What kind of pain hurts the most? What kind of pain leaves the deepest scar? Is it physical pain? Is it emotional pain? If given the choice, which one would you prefer?
Perhaps the worst kind of pain is the pain of knowing what could have been. The pain of something lost. When something is lost that cannot be replaced. Perhaps it's the pain of not knowing. These pains are mental. Emotional.
Physical pain is different. It's more easily identifiable. Easier to fix. It can be controlled. If you bleed, you just apply some pressure until it stops. I prefer those kinds of pain any day of the week. I think it all comes down to control. I never understood the concept of "cutting" before. I think it's stupid. Why would someone do that? How do you drag a knife, or a razor blade, or whatever else across your skin....on purpose? Then it clicked.
Tattoos.
I love tattoos. I love getting them. I love the pain. It's art, it's personal, and it's a commitment to something you can't take back. It's permanent. It is something that I control. Something that I have thought out, planned, and sought out. I've paid money to an Artist to take a gun with a hot needle, and have him permanently burn ink into my skin. It hurts like hell, but it's a good hurt. How is this any different? There are definitely similarities. It's a pain that you absolutely control. Sometimes the pain you can control is better than the one you can't. Just a thought.
I don't believe for a second that I am some conflicted, troubled individual. I'm not special, but I am unique. I've been through experiences that are unique to me. Pain that is mine. Joy that is mine. I've earned my pain, my happiness, my scars, and my smiles. Some of these exist only on the surface, and some of them run deep. Sometimes the pain is necessary, so that we truly appreciate the smiles when they happen.
Perhaps the worst kind of pain is the pain of knowing what could have been. The pain of something lost. When something is lost that cannot be replaced. Perhaps it's the pain of not knowing. These pains are mental. Emotional.
Physical pain is different. It's more easily identifiable. Easier to fix. It can be controlled. If you bleed, you just apply some pressure until it stops. I prefer those kinds of pain any day of the week. I think it all comes down to control. I never understood the concept of "cutting" before. I think it's stupid. Why would someone do that? How do you drag a knife, or a razor blade, or whatever else across your skin....on purpose? Then it clicked.
Tattoos.
I love tattoos. I love getting them. I love the pain. It's art, it's personal, and it's a commitment to something you can't take back. It's permanent. It is something that I control. Something that I have thought out, planned, and sought out. I've paid money to an Artist to take a gun with a hot needle, and have him permanently burn ink into my skin. It hurts like hell, but it's a good hurt. How is this any different? There are definitely similarities. It's a pain that you absolutely control. Sometimes the pain you can control is better than the one you can't. Just a thought.
I don't believe for a second that I am some conflicted, troubled individual. I'm not special, but I am unique. I've been through experiences that are unique to me. Pain that is mine. Joy that is mine. I've earned my pain, my happiness, my scars, and my smiles. Some of these exist only on the surface, and some of them run deep. Sometimes the pain is necessary, so that we truly appreciate the smiles when they happen.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Things that suck when you're single.
1. Breakfast
2. Lunch
3. Dinner
4. Sleeping
5. Pictures
6. Getting your picture taken
7. Other peoples happiness
8. Movies
9. Going out to eat
10. Cooking
11. Shopping
12. Birthdays
13. Valentine's Day
14. Christmas
15. Thanksgiving
16. New Years
17. Concerts
18. Music
19. Certain songs
20. Getting dressed up
21. Familiar smells
22. Long drives
23. Group dates
24. Blind dates
25. Dating in general
26. Sad kids
27. Sick kids
28. Being sick
29. Wanting a back scratch
30. Wanting a head scratch
31. Running into old friends
32. People asking you if you're still married
33. Kissing strangers
34. Weddings
35. Reunions
36. Drinking
37. Being cold
38. Going home
39. Working late
40. Going grocery shopping
41. Vacations
42. Hard times
43. Finding motivation for certain things
44. Sleeping in
45. Quiet
46. Not having sex
47. Not having a partner
48. Not having a best friend
49. Feeling selfish
50. Not being pushed to your full potential.
2. Lunch
3. Dinner
4. Sleeping
5. Pictures
6. Getting your picture taken
7. Other peoples happiness
8. Movies
9. Going out to eat
10. Cooking
11. Shopping
12. Birthdays
13. Valentine's Day
14. Christmas
15. Thanksgiving
16. New Years
17. Concerts
18. Music
19. Certain songs
20. Getting dressed up
21. Familiar smells
22. Long drives
23. Group dates
24. Blind dates
25. Dating in general
26. Sad kids
27. Sick kids
28. Being sick
29. Wanting a back scratch
30. Wanting a head scratch
31. Running into old friends
32. People asking you if you're still married
33. Kissing strangers
34. Weddings
35. Reunions
36. Drinking
37. Being cold
38. Going home
39. Working late
40. Going grocery shopping
41. Vacations
42. Hard times
43. Finding motivation for certain things
44. Sleeping in
45. Quiet
46. Not having sex
47. Not having a partner
48. Not having a best friend
49. Feeling selfish
50. Not being pushed to your full potential.
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