When it hurts.

Pain is relative.  What kind of pain hurts the most?  What kind of pain leaves the deepest scar?  Is it physical pain?  Is it emotional pain?  If given the choice, which one would you prefer?

Perhaps the worst kind of pain is the pain of knowing what could have been.  The pain of something lost.  When something is lost that cannot be replaced.  Perhaps it's the pain of not knowing.  These pains are mental.  Emotional. 

Physical pain is different.  It's more easily identifiable.  Easier to fix.  It can be controlled.  If you bleed, you just apply some pressure until it stops.  I prefer those kinds of pain any day of the week.  I think it all comes down to control.  I never understood the concept of "cutting" before.  I think it's stupid.  Why would someone do that?  How do you drag a knife, or a razor blade, or whatever else across your skin....on purpose?  Then it clicked.

Tattoos.

I love tattoos.  I love getting them.  I love the pain.  It's art, it's personal, and it's a commitment to something you can't take back.  It's permanent.  It is something that I control.  Something that I have thought out, planned, and sought out.  I've paid money to an Artist to take a gun with a hot needle, and have him permanently burn ink into my skin.  It hurts like hell, but it's a good hurt.  How is this any different?  There are definitely similarities.  It's a pain that you absolutely control.  Sometimes the pain you can control is better than the one you can't.  Just a thought.

I don't believe for a second that I am some conflicted, troubled individual.  I'm not special,  but I am unique.  I've been through experiences that are unique to me.  Pain that is mine.  Joy that is mine.  I've earned my pain, my happiness, my scars, and my smiles.  Some of these exist only on the surface, and some of them run deep.  Sometimes the pain is necessary, so that we truly appreciate the smiles when they happen.