Once upon a time....

Today is Burklie's 12th birthday.  Earlier I was thinking about her and wondering how she is doing.  I don't get to see her very much anymore, and it makes me sad.  I can't believe that she is 12 already.  When I first met Burklie, she was only 3 years old.  She had really short hair, and the cutest little elf ears I had ever seen.  I'll never forget her tiny little voice, and how clearly she spoke.  She was always such an intelligent girl.  Amazing at memory games too.  She could play the memory card game and would win every time.

Burklie will always hold a really special place in my heart, because she was the first of Mandie's girls that I really got attached to.  I will always love all of them, and they will each hold a unique place in my heart forever.  Burklie loved to be with me, and always wanted to be close to me.  She would ask to come with me everywhere, even just quick trips to the store.  She absolutely melted my heart.  Rylie had just turned a year old, and Kalie was 9 years old when I started dating Mandie.  Rylie was just a baby, and was always easy to love.  Kalie was more shy, quiet, and guarded.  As such, she was slower to ever really accept me into her life.  Burklie on the other hand, had nothing but love for me right from the beginning.

She is such a sensitive little girl.  Always has been.  Admittedly, I struggled at times with Burklie the most as well.  If I even looked at wrong, she would burst into tears and it would seemingly break her little heart.  As she grew older, I could see more and more similarities between her and her Mother.  I had a really hard time with this, as they weren't necessarily my favorite personality traits.  To be completely honest, she would kind of drive me nuts some times.  She was always so dramatic.  On the girls birthdays, I would get them flowers.  Burklie always enjoyed this the most.  She loved the attention.  I would also try to take all the girls on individual Daddy-Daughter dates when I could.  I usually needed to take Burklie first, because she would cry and cry if she thought she was being left out.

When Burklie turned 8 years old, we lived in Washington, and she decided that she wanted me to Baptize her.  That was an enormous honor, and it really meant a lot to me.  I was excited to be worthy, and have that opportunity.  I made sure to get her Father's permission, as I felt it was his right to do this.  He ended up doing the confirmation portion, and I did the Baptism.  The next year we moved back to Utah, and moved into my in-laws place.  That was a pretty rough year on everyone.  Mandie and I separated 2 times during that year, and eventually got divorced.  It was especially rough on all of the girls.  I had been their Dad for 6+ years, and then suddenly I wasn't anymore.  When we separated the second time, it stuck.  Eventually Mandie would file for divorce, and cut me off from the girls completely. Our divorce took close to a year, and was pretty ugly.  It was final in March of 2011.  Since then Mandie has remarried, and only occasionally now do I get to see any of the girls.  I see Preslie, obviously, as it is my legal right to do so.  But unfortunately, I do not have the legal right to my other girls.

Today Burklie is 12 years old.  She is starting to grow into a young woman.  She likes to listen to The Used and Neon Trees as well.  She likes boys.  She has grown up a lot in the past couple of years, and I haven't been there for it.  I really hate that.  I miss her and her sisters so much, and hope they all remember me and the part I shared of their lives.  I have high hopes for Burklie, and worry about her often.  I hope her memory serves her well, and that she remembers how important and loved she is.  She will always be my sweet little Bundle Face.