Simple Truths

People do get lonely.  Especially when they are deprived of being with the ones they love. 

For me, this was a simple truth that took a long time to understand.  I didn't really understand this, until my Grandma passed away.  I remember so much about how she used to be.  When I was little, we would go to visit Grandma Taylor's house, and she was just so full of love.  She had an amazing way of making you feel like you were wrapped in it the moment you stepped into the room with her.  She loved all children, and was just a great Mother in every sense of the word. 

Years before she died, she had a stroke.  The stroke changed things pretty drastically.  She lost the use of one side of her body, had trouble with speech, and also getting around after that.  She had to be shuttled around in a wheelchair, and it was not easy for her to get around after that.  Over time as she got older, her physical health seemed to deteriorate bit by bit.  The hardest part for me was seeing her this way.  You could look at her, and she would make eye contact and you could tell she was still the same Grandma, but she was frustrated.  Frustrated with her body that no longer worked the way it used to, or even cooperated to perform basic tasks anymore.  Through it all, my Grandpa was there taking care of her.  He was completed devoted to her and took care of her every need.  Quite a few years passed, and then about 2 years ago she finally passed away.  I got a phone call from my Mom, who had been there taking care of her since my little Sister Angela had died in 2006, and she let me know that Grandma had just passed.  I didn't live that far away at the time, so I rushed right over there.  For some reason, I guess I didn't expect that she would still be there, and that the funeral home would have already been there.  That was my first time being around a body after someone had passed right away.  To be honest, it kinda weirded me out a bit.  Why?  I have no idea.  I sat down by her in her room and held her hand for a bit, then went out and joined my Aunt Lenore in the living room once the funeral people arrived to take her away. 

Now let me just say that even though this was an incredibly emotional and sad time for me, I am just not a cryer.  I very rarely cry for any reason.  Another one of my many oddities I suppose. 

However, as the gentlemen were starting to wheel my Grandma out of the house, I remember hearing my Grandpa say, "Wait!  I need to give my Sweetheart a kiss goodbye."  For some reason, that did it for me.  My Grandpa is one of the best men I have ever known.  Never said a single curse word his entire life.  Not even Damn.  Always treated his kids with love and my Grandma was always his Sweetheart.  I totally cried it out for that one.  He just seemed so lost after she passed.  It made so incredibly sad to see him that way.  After that I just didn't know what to do.  I started looking for things to do around the house, and ended up going on the roof to clean out his gutters.

Now here is where the simple truth comes in.  Even though my Grandma did not pass away until the summer of 2010, in a lot of ways, she had not been his companion for quite some time.  Their companionship had not been the same in the later years after her stroke.  I can only imagine how hard this must have been for both of them.  Even though he took care of her through the end, I can imagine how lonely he must have become.  Especially once she passed.  This is why it did not surprise me in the least that he "got out there" and started seeing an old girlfriend again.  He desired that companionship.  He was lonely.  I have never for a second felt that he was dishonoring my Grandma's memory in doing so either.  The sad thing is, I imagine that it did hurt a few of my other Family members feelings though.  All in all, I want my Grandpa to be happy, and understand his desire for companionship.  I understand that some people just don't get that.  Some people are die hard romantics at heart, and believe that once a loved one passes away, maybe they should live in solitude so as to honor the memory of that loved one.  I get that.  Is it easier for men to find companionship after a loved one has passed as opposed to a woman?  Perhaps.  I just know it doesn't diminish their love.  What is so strange about my 80 year old Grandpa acting like a teenager again, and wanting to cuddle up on his couch with another Grandma lady? 

After all, people do get lonely.  Especially when they are deprived of being with the ones they love.