So today I was reminded of a particular incident that occurred when I was living in Long Beach. I was barely 18 years old at the time. I had just graduated from High School, and took off to live with my older brother Tony down in Long Beach. I had been given a small scholarship to the Musicians Institute in Hollywood, California, and wanted to pursue my dreams of becoming a studio musician.
It was a pretty quick decision, and being 18, I also did not read the full terms of said scholarship. After arriving, I spent about 2 weeks sinking into the reality that is "The Ghetto" otherwise known as 7th St and Cherry. I needed a job. My brother was nice enough to introduce me to the excitement of temp work. My first assignment was doing basic accounting work at a California Insurance office nearby, and away I went for the first couple of weeks. This is where my story begins.
I had became friends with a pregnant woman, whose name escapes me now, while working at the Insurance Office. We ended up becoming lunch buddies, meaning that we went to lunch together for mutual benefit and company. She benefited by not being alone at lunch while she was out and about in her very pregnant state. I benefited by not being alone and white while I was out and about during lunch. I figured my chances of getting stabbed were reduced while I was with the 8 month pregnant white lady. It worked.
One day, Nancy (I'll call her Nancy for now) and I were headed out, and she was having a crazy pregnant craving for some McDonalds. Now, here I will have to interject about McDonalds in Long Beach. There are quite a few of them. Some are in really ghetto areas, but cook the food well. Others are in nicer areas, but will leave you bleeding out of your anus on a bad day. Depending on what time of the day it was, usually determined which one you were brave enough to venture to. On this day, we ventured downtown. Against my better judgement, of course. But it is fairly hazardous to ones health to argue with a pregnant woman's cravings. On this day, Nancy also wanted to eat inside. The following is a true story of what followed.
I was enjoying some tasty chicken McNuggets, and Nancy was enjoying some McRibs. Just to the side of us was an African American gentleman wearing a fairly nice suit. He was sitting alone, and quietly tending to his meal as well. The restaurant was near capacity. I had this nervous habit of looking at the door every time it opened, since it had a bell or a beep as people entered. I liked to know who was coming in. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
I noticed this tall, lean, and unusually muscular woman walking in holding a 32 oz. gas station cup. She had longer braids, but was walking funny. I looked closer, because something just didn't seem right about this lady. That was when I realized that this was not a lady. This was a dude. It was also pretty obvious that this he-she was high. "It" walked up to the drink station and started to fill up it's fountain drink. Before filling the cup though, a McDonalds employee had walked up and apparently shut off the refill station. The Trani started yelling something at the employee, in an obvious man voice, which make me chuckle to myself. This is when Nancy finally saw what was going on, but we continued to eat our food and pretend nothing was going on. Apparently, so did all the other customers. Right after telling off the McDonalds employee, the Trani turned around and looked briefly at everyone eating in the lobby. He-She strutted up and took a seat directly across from the gentleman in the suit.
TRANI: "Hey, wanna get a room?"
MAN IN SUIT: Continues eating his food and ignores Trani.
TRANI: "Come on man, lemme hook you up.."
MAN IN SUIT: "How bout you f$ck off..."
TRANI: (mumbles some incoherent crack talk under it's breath)
MAN IN SUIT: Picks up a french fry and continues to eat.
TRANI: (mumbles something under it's breath, but I catch something about "getting some crack")
MAN IN SUIT: "Fool, I don't do that shit.."
TRANI: Throws drink in the Man in the Suit's face, then stands up and says, "Nigga, I know you smoke crack! I smoked it wit chu!" Then struts out of the lobby and starts walking down the street.
No one in the lobby reacts in any way. They all continue to eat as if nothing happened. A few people kind of snickered, but that was it. Nancy and I immediately get up to throw away our food, and exit, trying not to laugh. Once we get in the car, we are both in tears with laughter, and I'm sure a little bit of shock at what had just occurred.
Personally, I was just glad that I didn't get stabbed.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Man Boobs.
So today I got off work nice and early. I headed to the gym, slammed a Redline pre-workout energy drink, and then dove into an intense workout. I ended up lifting for just over 2 hours, which is a bit longer than usual. I am focused on getting fit, and am not afraid of the pain it will surely take to get there.
My game plan is fairly simple.
1. Turn up the intensity on the weight lifting while keeping my reps higher.
2. Gym 3 times a week.
3. At least 15-20 min of cardio each time I go to the gym.
4. Core routine 7 days a week.
5. Max of 1 can of soda a day.
6. Drink more water throughout the day.
7. More protein, vitamins, and supplements daily.
I've been feeling good lately and am lifting more and more at the gym. Physically, I can see some changes as well, and I'm proud of myself for making progress. Especially after my workout today, I really pushed it hard, and left having pushed myself to my limits. I was wearing a tank top, and headed over to my mom's to say hello. Not to show off, just to kill time because it was still fairly early and I had nothing else better to do.
After arriving, my mom looked up at me and said, "You have man boobs."
Quickest way to destroy my new found confidence. I imagine that the look on my face was one of disappointment or shock of some kind, because she then quipped, "I meant that in a good way. Like.....you have muscles..."
Too late.
After getting home, all I can see are man boobs. Moobs. As I was walking briskly up the stairs in my apartment, I suddenly was morbidly aware of how they bounce. After I ate dinner, I went downstairs to brush my teeth, I was horrified at how much they moved. Good lord.
Growing up, I always imagined having big man pecs like Arnold, and then maybe being able to do the infamous "moob dance" with my pecs. This is not quite what I had in mind.
My resolve could not be stronger now. I will get fit. It is time to tighten everything up. It is time to look even better naked. This is going to happen.
My game plan is fairly simple.
1. Turn up the intensity on the weight lifting while keeping my reps higher.
2. Gym 3 times a week.
3. At least 15-20 min of cardio each time I go to the gym.
4. Core routine 7 days a week.
5. Max of 1 can of soda a day.
6. Drink more water throughout the day.
7. More protein, vitamins, and supplements daily.
I've been feeling good lately and am lifting more and more at the gym. Physically, I can see some changes as well, and I'm proud of myself for making progress. Especially after my workout today, I really pushed it hard, and left having pushed myself to my limits. I was wearing a tank top, and headed over to my mom's to say hello. Not to show off, just to kill time because it was still fairly early and I had nothing else better to do.
After arriving, my mom looked up at me and said, "You have man boobs."
Quickest way to destroy my new found confidence. I imagine that the look on my face was one of disappointment or shock of some kind, because she then quipped, "I meant that in a good way. Like.....you have muscles..."
Too late.
After getting home, all I can see are man boobs. Moobs. As I was walking briskly up the stairs in my apartment, I suddenly was morbidly aware of how they bounce. After I ate dinner, I went downstairs to brush my teeth, I was horrified at how much they moved. Good lord.
Growing up, I always imagined having big man pecs like Arnold, and then maybe being able to do the infamous "moob dance" with my pecs. This is not quite what I had in mind.
My resolve could not be stronger now. I will get fit. It is time to tighten everything up. It is time to look even better naked. This is going to happen.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Honesty
Anyone who knows me well, can tell you this truth about me. I am honest. I learned pretty early on in life that I need to be honest. Not just because I am a very terrible liar, but also because I hate the way I feel when I have lied. No joke. I am probably one of the worst liars on the face of this planet. You can see a lie as plain as the giant nose on my face.
Another truth, is that I have a lot of people in my life who I consider amazing friends. Friends who I would seriously do anything for. Friends who have helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. Friends who have taken me into their homes when I had no where else to go. Friends who have taught me how to be a true friend, a better person, and a how to be a man in general. Most of my friends are people that I would consider family and are welcome in my home anytime.
I also have another quality, and this one seems to backfire on me quite a bit. It is probably going to be my undoing as well. Strangely enough, it is a quality that I don't ever want to lose. I am a generous person by nature. I also tend to only see the good side of people, and perhaps trust when I shouldn't. This particular trait tends to encourage the wrong kind of people to take advantage. In the past, I have been a lot more naive and allowed people to do so. Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way that some people want don't belong in my life. I've had to let go of some of my closest friends. Because of this, I am a lot more apprehensive now. I'm definitely a lot more guarded.
The fact of the matter is, if I feel that you are a genuine friend, you will know it. There is no ulterior motive on my behalf. I am not trying to gain anything in return. I genuinely love to see my friends happy. If they have a need and I am able to fill that need, I will do it in a heartbeat. If that is a flaw, then I am flawed.
I also tend to forgive and move on pretty quickly too. Read into that as you'd like. This only works to an extent though. Once I get past a certain point though, I am done and move on. I'm not so sure if this is a flaw or not, but it is who I am, nonetheless.
The point is, I know what kind of person I want to be. Certain things and actions feel right, and I'm sure there's a reason for that. I may not be perfect, and I'm sure that to a lot of you, I am fully flawed. We all have room for improvement. How many of us are actually doing anything about it? Are you the kind of person at then end of the day that you are proud to be? What will those closest to you say when you're gone? That could be tomorrow. It could also be 60 years from now. In the end, what is really important? What really matters? What will you leave behind when you're gone? What will be your legacy? Is anyone even going to miss you when you're gone?
Another truth, is that I have a lot of people in my life who I consider amazing friends. Friends who I would seriously do anything for. Friends who have helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. Friends who have taken me into their homes when I had no where else to go. Friends who have taught me how to be a true friend, a better person, and a how to be a man in general. Most of my friends are people that I would consider family and are welcome in my home anytime.
I also have another quality, and this one seems to backfire on me quite a bit. It is probably going to be my undoing as well. Strangely enough, it is a quality that I don't ever want to lose. I am a generous person by nature. I also tend to only see the good side of people, and perhaps trust when I shouldn't. This particular trait tends to encourage the wrong kind of people to take advantage. In the past, I have been a lot more naive and allowed people to do so. Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way that some people want don't belong in my life. I've had to let go of some of my closest friends. Because of this, I am a lot more apprehensive now. I'm definitely a lot more guarded.
The fact of the matter is, if I feel that you are a genuine friend, you will know it. There is no ulterior motive on my behalf. I am not trying to gain anything in return. I genuinely love to see my friends happy. If they have a need and I am able to fill that need, I will do it in a heartbeat. If that is a flaw, then I am flawed.
I also tend to forgive and move on pretty quickly too. Read into that as you'd like. This only works to an extent though. Once I get past a certain point though, I am done and move on. I'm not so sure if this is a flaw or not, but it is who I am, nonetheless.
The point is, I know what kind of person I want to be. Certain things and actions feel right, and I'm sure there's a reason for that. I may not be perfect, and I'm sure that to a lot of you, I am fully flawed. We all have room for improvement. How many of us are actually doing anything about it? Are you the kind of person at then end of the day that you are proud to be? What will those closest to you say when you're gone? That could be tomorrow. It could also be 60 years from now. In the end, what is really important? What really matters? What will you leave behind when you're gone? What will be your legacy? Is anyone even going to miss you when you're gone?
Monday, July 23, 2012
Random song lyrics that need guitar now.
Circumstantial evidence
Disguises what we're up against
If only I could change the game
Perhaps you would forget your pain.
It's in the way you roll your jeans
It's in the way you're everything
It's in the way you hold your child
It's in the way you light up when you smile.
Intuition permeates
My subtle words alleviate
You're nervous so you hesitate
I am patient and you're well worth the wait.
It's in the way you make me want to sing
It's in the way you tackle everything
It's in the way my heart beats too fast
It's in the way I hope this lasts.
Coming on a bit too strong
Is easy when this don't feel wrong
So for now I'll take this as it comes
And hope that I could be the one.
It's in the way you make me want to write
It's in the way you keep me up at night
It's in the way you stole my heart
It's in the way you keep me from falling apart.
Perhaps I've lost my chance
Hesitated when I should have danced
Flowers will never be enough
In love & war, your armor's tough
Misconceptions aside
Somehow I know you'll never be mine
Like a dream you lose as you awake
You could be my greatest mistake
Never knowing what may have been
Try to fall asleep again.
Disguises what we're up against
If only I could change the game
Perhaps you would forget your pain.
It's in the way you roll your jeans
It's in the way you're everything
It's in the way you hold your child
It's in the way you light up when you smile.
Intuition permeates
My subtle words alleviate
You're nervous so you hesitate
I am patient and you're well worth the wait.
It's in the way you make me want to sing
It's in the way you tackle everything
It's in the way my heart beats too fast
It's in the way I hope this lasts.
Coming on a bit too strong
Is easy when this don't feel wrong
So for now I'll take this as it comes
And hope that I could be the one.
It's in the way you make me want to write
It's in the way you keep me up at night
It's in the way you stole my heart
It's in the way you keep me from falling apart.
Perhaps I've lost my chance
Hesitated when I should have danced
Flowers will never be enough
In love & war, your armor's tough
Misconceptions aside
Somehow I know you'll never be mine
Like a dream you lose as you awake
You could be my greatest mistake
Never knowing what may have been
Try to fall asleep again.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
It could be worse.
This last week has been a long one. It started out with what should have been a great beginning to my week. I had Preslie for the weekend, and had hoped to take her camping somewhere fun for a couple of days. My boss was generous enough to give me Monday and Tuesday off work, so that I could enjoy a 4 day weekend. Plans, however, were cut short because Mandie decided that since I didn't let her take Preslie to Lake Powell for a week the week before, she didn't have to let me keep Preslie for an extra day. (Normally I have Preslie from Thursday evening after I get off work until Monday morning.) I asked to keep her until Tuesday morning, but she shot that down.
I ended up taking Preslie camping on Saturday night, but it ended up raining pretty hard from about 11pm that night until the next morning. It was wet. It was muddy. But it was still fun and good quality Daddy-Daughter time.
On Monday, Mandie and I had agreed to meet up at 1pm in Midvale as usual. I drove Preslie there, and then decided I would go stop by Big Deluxe for a consultation with Mike J on a piece I've wanted to get done for quite some time. I took the freeway to 33rd South, and ended up getting into an accident. It's almost kind of funny, because just earlier that day, I had said,"I've got the next 2 days off work for vacation, was meeting for a consult, and then who knows.." Hardy har har. To make it worse, of course the accident was totally my fault. I was stopped behind this truck, then went to pull forward a little and my flip-flop got stuck and gunned the gas. Before I could completely stop, I nailed this truck in front of me. I wasn't even going 15-20 when I hit, as I was on the brakes, and my airbag didn't even deploy, but it still managed to destroy the front end of my car.
My first thought was, "Oh shit, I hope no one is hurt in the other car." The gentleman stepped out and was perfectly fine. A very nice man, actually. My next thought, was "F$#K. I just destroyed my car!" I have to interject. I REALLY love my car. It's the first car I've owned that I have really liked. It's been good to me since I bought it 2 years ago, and I love it. It was such a dumb accident too. I really didn't hit the guys truck that hard, and the front end of my car just kind of crumpled in. Awesome safety feature, by the way. The guy in the truck I hit agreed to pull off the road, and we just exchanged insurance information. He asked me if I wanted to call the Police to report it, and I of course replied "No. Going the insurance route is fine with me." I could see that I was leaking radiator fluid, so I was in a hurry to get going as I wanted to try and get home before I lost all my fluid and my car started overheating. I tried popping the hood to put in some more fluid, but the hood was crumpled enough that it wouldn't open, so I hopped on the freeway and started heading home.
I made it almost all the way up the hill at the point of the mountain when my temp gage suddenly pegged, so I pulled off to the side at the exit and shut off my car. It has an aluminum head, and as such is not designed to handle overheating in any way. I called my insurance and reported the accident, and had them send a tow truck to pick up my car. I started to get pretty down on myself about it, but then I realized: It could be worse.
No one was hurt. The accident happened after I had dropped off Preslie. I hardly even put a dent in the other truck's tailgate, which turned out to be a work truck for the guy driving. He was very nice, and didn't demand calling the cops, so I didn't get a ticket and fine on top of the accident. For the most part, I was able to drive away from the accident. I had insurance. As it turned out, I had tow coverage, so I didn't have to pay anything out of pocket for the tow truck. I also had rental coverage on my insurance, so I was able to get a rental car right away. While my deductible wasn't $100 like I had thought, it also wasn't $1000, which would have sucked worse. I also had the next day off work to recuperate. Things could have been worse. Hopefully the repair shop is able to fix my car, as I am quite fond of it. I would really rather not have to go find another one again.
I returned to work on Wednesday to all sorts of changes. The winds of change were blowing, and there were a lot of questions to be asked. On Thursday, I went to work again, and then picked up Preslie again after work. Unfortunately, I only had her for the night this time, so it was a short visit. We got to play for a little bit, and then watched Willow.
This morning, I drove up to Midvale to drop Preslie off to her Mandie again, but she never showed up. Normally we meet at 8am. She never texts me or answered when I tried to call her multiple times. I finally had to go and head to work, and just took Preslie with me to work. Preslie loves coming with me to work, mostly so that she can write and draw on my whiteboard. Finally, around 10:30am Mandie called to say that she overslept, and would leave in a minute to come pick Preslie up from my work. She showed up sometime around 11:30am, and Preslie was pretty bored by then. Even so, while I was walking her outside, she said she didn't want to go home to Mommy's, and wanted to stay with me. That always makes me kind of sad. Of course I want her to be with me ALL the time, but also know that she needs a Mommy too. I hate that she doesn't get both of her parents all the time, the way it should be. I always try to make it a point to tell her how much I love her, because I don't want her to ever feel unwanted or unloved by her Daddy. She is my little Angel, and always will be. The rest of work ended up being pretty short, as I only had to work until 3pm, and then went to see Dark Knight Rises, as Mozy had rented out the Theater at Thanksgiving Point for all of us to see it today.
After the movie, which was fantastic by the way, I went to the gym. Now I have the rest of the weekend, and who knows what to do. Sometimes, more often than not, I miss being married. I miss having a partner. I miss having a family. I miss coming home to the excited smiles of my children. I miss helping them brush their teeth. I miss reading them stories at bedtime, and tucking them in. I miss my kisses and that unconditional love that comes with being a parent. I only have Preslie some of the time, and the majority of the time I come home to an empty apartment. It's too quiet. A lot of the time, I don't want to be here. I would rather be anywhere else but here. I've been trying really hard to have a better attitude about things, and my life in general. A lot of the time, it does seem to help. But not always. Sometimes, I get pretty lonely. I don't want to be alone forever. I want to be happy. I want to find a partner that I can be happy with, and who is also happy with me.
I don't just miss being in a relationship though. To be honest, I think I am better of being single for now, as much as it sucks sometimes. I would rather be single than with the wrong person. That isn't to say that I believe that there is only one "right" person for me. I can think of a few girls that I've known in my lifetime that I truly believe I could have been happy with. Unfortunately, the timing wasn't right, and here I am. Despite my scars, I know that I am in a better place now, and am ready for that. It just has to be the right person. Hopefully when I meet her, the timing will finally be right, and we will be able to work things out and love each other the way we deserve and want to be loved. I want my wife to be my best friend, my partner, and my partner in crime. Who knows? Perhaps I have already met her. Maybe I already had my chance, and that is all I get.
At this point, I know I am just rambling, so it's time to wrap this one up. I just want to say thank you to all my friends and family who have been supportive and believed in me all these years. You know who you are. Sometimes, just the simplest kind words can go a long way and make all the difference. There are times when I just don't feel like I'm cutting it as a Father, or as a man for that matter. I think that we all need to be reminded sometimes when we are trying and doing our best. It's good to hear that you are doing an OK job every once in a while. I hope that I can return the favor sometime, and you will take it to heart.
I ended up taking Preslie camping on Saturday night, but it ended up raining pretty hard from about 11pm that night until the next morning. It was wet. It was muddy. But it was still fun and good quality Daddy-Daughter time.
On Monday, Mandie and I had agreed to meet up at 1pm in Midvale as usual. I drove Preslie there, and then decided I would go stop by Big Deluxe for a consultation with Mike J on a piece I've wanted to get done for quite some time. I took the freeway to 33rd South, and ended up getting into an accident. It's almost kind of funny, because just earlier that day, I had said,"I've got the next 2 days off work for vacation, was meeting for a consult, and then who knows.." Hardy har har. To make it worse, of course the accident was totally my fault. I was stopped behind this truck, then went to pull forward a little and my flip-flop got stuck and gunned the gas. Before I could completely stop, I nailed this truck in front of me. I wasn't even going 15-20 when I hit, as I was on the brakes, and my airbag didn't even deploy, but it still managed to destroy the front end of my car.
My first thought was, "Oh shit, I hope no one is hurt in the other car." The gentleman stepped out and was perfectly fine. A very nice man, actually. My next thought, was "F$#K. I just destroyed my car!" I have to interject. I REALLY love my car. It's the first car I've owned that I have really liked. It's been good to me since I bought it 2 years ago, and I love it. It was such a dumb accident too. I really didn't hit the guys truck that hard, and the front end of my car just kind of crumpled in. Awesome safety feature, by the way. The guy in the truck I hit agreed to pull off the road, and we just exchanged insurance information. He asked me if I wanted to call the Police to report it, and I of course replied "No. Going the insurance route is fine with me." I could see that I was leaking radiator fluid, so I was in a hurry to get going as I wanted to try and get home before I lost all my fluid and my car started overheating. I tried popping the hood to put in some more fluid, but the hood was crumpled enough that it wouldn't open, so I hopped on the freeway and started heading home.
I made it almost all the way up the hill at the point of the mountain when my temp gage suddenly pegged, so I pulled off to the side at the exit and shut off my car. It has an aluminum head, and as such is not designed to handle overheating in any way. I called my insurance and reported the accident, and had them send a tow truck to pick up my car. I started to get pretty down on myself about it, but then I realized: It could be worse.
No one was hurt. The accident happened after I had dropped off Preslie. I hardly even put a dent in the other truck's tailgate, which turned out to be a work truck for the guy driving. He was very nice, and didn't demand calling the cops, so I didn't get a ticket and fine on top of the accident. For the most part, I was able to drive away from the accident. I had insurance. As it turned out, I had tow coverage, so I didn't have to pay anything out of pocket for the tow truck. I also had rental coverage on my insurance, so I was able to get a rental car right away. While my deductible wasn't $100 like I had thought, it also wasn't $1000, which would have sucked worse. I also had the next day off work to recuperate. Things could have been worse. Hopefully the repair shop is able to fix my car, as I am quite fond of it. I would really rather not have to go find another one again.
I returned to work on Wednesday to all sorts of changes. The winds of change were blowing, and there were a lot of questions to be asked. On Thursday, I went to work again, and then picked up Preslie again after work. Unfortunately, I only had her for the night this time, so it was a short visit. We got to play for a little bit, and then watched Willow.
This morning, I drove up to Midvale to drop Preslie off to her Mandie again, but she never showed up. Normally we meet at 8am. She never texts me or answered when I tried to call her multiple times. I finally had to go and head to work, and just took Preslie with me to work. Preslie loves coming with me to work, mostly so that she can write and draw on my whiteboard. Finally, around 10:30am Mandie called to say that she overslept, and would leave in a minute to come pick Preslie up from my work. She showed up sometime around 11:30am, and Preslie was pretty bored by then. Even so, while I was walking her outside, she said she didn't want to go home to Mommy's, and wanted to stay with me. That always makes me kind of sad. Of course I want her to be with me ALL the time, but also know that she needs a Mommy too. I hate that she doesn't get both of her parents all the time, the way it should be. I always try to make it a point to tell her how much I love her, because I don't want her to ever feel unwanted or unloved by her Daddy. She is my little Angel, and always will be. The rest of work ended up being pretty short, as I only had to work until 3pm, and then went to see Dark Knight Rises, as Mozy had rented out the Theater at Thanksgiving Point for all of us to see it today.
After the movie, which was fantastic by the way, I went to the gym. Now I have the rest of the weekend, and who knows what to do. Sometimes, more often than not, I miss being married. I miss having a partner. I miss having a family. I miss coming home to the excited smiles of my children. I miss helping them brush their teeth. I miss reading them stories at bedtime, and tucking them in. I miss my kisses and that unconditional love that comes with being a parent. I only have Preslie some of the time, and the majority of the time I come home to an empty apartment. It's too quiet. A lot of the time, I don't want to be here. I would rather be anywhere else but here. I've been trying really hard to have a better attitude about things, and my life in general. A lot of the time, it does seem to help. But not always. Sometimes, I get pretty lonely. I don't want to be alone forever. I want to be happy. I want to find a partner that I can be happy with, and who is also happy with me.
I don't just miss being in a relationship though. To be honest, I think I am better of being single for now, as much as it sucks sometimes. I would rather be single than with the wrong person. That isn't to say that I believe that there is only one "right" person for me. I can think of a few girls that I've known in my lifetime that I truly believe I could have been happy with. Unfortunately, the timing wasn't right, and here I am. Despite my scars, I know that I am in a better place now, and am ready for that. It just has to be the right person. Hopefully when I meet her, the timing will finally be right, and we will be able to work things out and love each other the way we deserve and want to be loved. I want my wife to be my best friend, my partner, and my partner in crime. Who knows? Perhaps I have already met her. Maybe I already had my chance, and that is all I get.
At this point, I know I am just rambling, so it's time to wrap this one up. I just want to say thank you to all my friends and family who have been supportive and believed in me all these years. You know who you are. Sometimes, just the simplest kind words can go a long way and make all the difference. There are times when I just don't feel like I'm cutting it as a Father, or as a man for that matter. I think that we all need to be reminded sometimes when we are trying and doing our best. It's good to hear that you are doing an OK job every once in a while. I hope that I can return the favor sometime, and you will take it to heart.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Kiss me like you wanna be loved.
There is a lot to say about the power of a kiss. How a woman kisses can tell you a lot about her. How she wants to be loved. What she wants from you. What she wants you to do. How she wants you to do it. Even where she wants you to do it. Typically, most woman will kiss you the way they want to be kissed. Full of passion and intensity, or perhaps gingerly and tenderly. She might kiss you quickly. Or perhaps so slowly that her lips quiver in anticipation. Some woman will bite your lip, while others may tease you with a hint of their soft and warm tongue.
Personally, I have always felt that a kiss is one of the most personal, and intimate things to do with a woman. Strangely enough, more personal than other things that may seem to be the obvious choice for others. I associate a kiss with love and passion. Call me crazy, but that's how I feel. I won't just kiss anyone either. There has to be something there, a genuine connection and feeling that catches you up in the moment without regret. It should be sensual. It should be intimate. It should be special. For this reason, I strongly feel that if you are going to do it. Mean it. And do it right. Pay attention to the way she kisses you, and kiss her the way she wants to be loved. Kiss her like you mean it.
Personally, I have always felt that a kiss is one of the most personal, and intimate things to do with a woman. Strangely enough, more personal than other things that may seem to be the obvious choice for others. I associate a kiss with love and passion. Call me crazy, but that's how I feel. I won't just kiss anyone either. There has to be something there, a genuine connection and feeling that catches you up in the moment without regret. It should be sensual. It should be intimate. It should be special. For this reason, I strongly feel that if you are going to do it. Mean it. And do it right. Pay attention to the way she kisses you, and kiss her the way she wants to be loved. Kiss her like you mean it.
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