Why would she do that??

Since I told the story about "Stuart's" little foot problem, I feel like I have to tell another story about him.  In case you missed my last post, "Stuart" was the special little guy that used to work on the night crew at the tool store up in SLC.  I don't remember his real name, so we're just going to call him Stuart.  Stuart was special.  He wasn't quite all there, and had obtained the job under circumstances as such that he couldn't just be fired like a normal employee either.  Stuart was brutally honest, and loved to talk.  Worse yet, he had this really high pitched, soft, child-like voice.  Surprisingly enough, Stuart was married, and he also had like 4 kids.  All of which were relatively normal.  His kids looked almost exactly like him, but were very smart and high-functioning from what I understand.

One night, Stuart came into work and was acting a little peculiar.   Normally, he was fairly social.  This evening, however, he was definitely keeping to himself, and had an odd, perhaps confused, and concerned look on his face while he worked.  Several of the other guys on the night crew approached him, and asked him how he was doing, but he didn't seem to want to talk about it.  Finally, after a couple of the guys had approached me with their concerns about him behavior, I decided that I should check on him.  I walked up to him as he was sweeping the end section of the warehouse, and asked him what was troubling him tonight. 

He replied, "Well........I had a little bit of an.........uh......episode with the wife the other day."

A few of the other guys approached, and asked the question that I really didn't want to know, "What kind of an episode Stuart?" 

Now, you have to imagine the concern on Stuart's little face as he told us his story.  He was completely serious, and genuinely confused, which only made this worse.

"Well, so my wife and I were........uh.......you know.  Having relations.  Everything was going as usual, and I was getting closer to being done.  If you know what I mean."

The guys were enjoying his story far more than they should, and egged him on.  "So that sounds cool Stuart.  What's so bad about that?"

This is where Stuart's expression became even more concerned and puzzled.  He continued, "Well, right as I was about to finish, she stuck her finger.................."

Stuart looked down ashamed at the floor.

".........right in my butt hole."

Stuart looked up from the floor with the most serious look on his face, his big goofy eyeballs focused right on me, and he stumbled, "Why would she do that?"

I completely lost it.  I was laughing so hard, I couldn't breathe.  It was terrible.  Probably one of my worst moments ever as a human being.  We told him that she probably just read about it in a magazine, and not to worry about it.  I could never look at him the same again after that.