I believe that just a few days ago I posted that it was time for a Squeek to sleep in her own bed. She's 4 years old for crying out loud. Seems to me that a 4 year old should sleep in her own bed by now. To be quite honest, I spent more money on that little girls bed, than I did on my entire bedroom furniture set. I even spent an entire weekend decorating her room to try and make it the perfect little princess room. A room that was totally exciting and fun and just for her. Her bed is a Princess Castle bed, complete with a tower at the end, tent/castle underneath, and a slide to get down. Yes, a slide. She has flowers and butterflies and dragonflies scattered all over her walls. Not to mention the giant hand-painted rainbow on the wall over her bed, just because she loves rainbows. I even did acrobatics on a strategically placed chair so that I could stick up those little glow in the dark stars on her ceiling. Hell, now I kind of want to sleep in there.
The kicker is that until now, Preslie has always shared a room with her Sisters or me. Kids tend to have a tough time making the transition into their own "big kid" beds, but she seems to be having an extra hard time with it. I'll admit too, that being a single parent makes it a little tougher for me to put down the iron fist and stick to my guns with that stuff sometimes. I miss her so much that I just want to snuggle her all the time when I do have her. Back to reality though. To quote a friend of mine, "..Sleeping with a toddler is like sleeping with a baby wolverine..." I find myself waking up assaulted, beaten, and bruised, and not in the way that I'd prefer while in my own bed. The kid never stops moving when she's asleep. I simply do not understand how she ends up where she does during the night. Typically, it does end up with her feet being in my face or in my groin. *Sigh* I also like to sleep covered in a nice warm blanket. Preslie does not seem to be able to sleep if her feet or legs are covered in any way. Within a minute or so of pulling a blanket onto her seemingly frozen icicle of a body, she will kick it off. Doesn't matter how cold the room is, or what time of year. No blankets. I thought I would outsmart her by buying those warm onesie pajamas that has the little feet covering things too. No dice. She kicks around all night long and claims that they are "hurting her piggies" all night long until I finally cave and end up cutting the feet off.
This has resulted in massive amounts of sleep deprivation and insomnia. This past weekend, Friday night to be exact, I decided that I would put my foot down and make her sleep in her own bed, for the sake of my sanity. I told her in advance that she needed to sleep in her bed tonight, and then tucked her in, read her a book, got her a drink of water, and even scratched her back until she fell asleep. I'm talking the whole nine yards. She finally fell asleep and I thought I was in the clear! I went back upstairs and put a movie on, and felt triumphant. Just as I was turning off the tv and about to head back downstairs to bed, I hear this sad little whimper. Then I heard this tiny little voice mixed through sad tears, "Daddy........Daddy!" I went downstairs and found my Squeek sitting up in her bed clutching about 6 different stuffed animals and crying. Face covered in tears. She said that she had a scary dream, and that she was calling me and I didn't hear her. This made me kinda sad, because I hate to see my Daughter cry like that, and I remember having nightmares when I was a little kid too. I caved and told her that she could sleep with me.
I brought her into my room and lay her down on the far side of my bed, and then put a big giant body pillow in the middle of the bed between her and me. I told her that if she was going to sleep in my bed, then she had to stay on that side of the pillow because Daddy needed some sleep. Here's where she looked at me like I had just broken her heart......
"Daddy, why don't you want to snuggle me????"
For that moment, I felt like the most selfish person ever to have lived. I don't think any amount of sleep can be more important than preventing that kind of question from ever coming up again. Kids are only little once, and we should let them be little while we can. Someday she will be too big to sleep in my bed and snuggle, and I am going to miss that. I can survive on only a couple hours of sleep. Being a parent means making sacrifices. Waking up and having your co-workers tell you that you look like you've been run over by a bus isn't the worse thing in the world.
For now, the only beautiful blond girl sharing my bed is my Squeek. I would like to remedy that situation someday, but for now I regress.
Good night.
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